Know ye now of days of old when times were hearty and men were bold. When little bitches in pantyhose danced so high on their tippy toes. With pleading eyes and begging lips they dared not shift their weight or move their hips. For upon their sweet little crotchel span came the dreaded yet beautiful and timeless clam slam.

Some call it a wooden pony or are even more clever in their dialogue when they say riding the pine. I being a simple man by nature call it a cunt buster. Naturally the ladies are not always eager to get aboard something called a cunt buster so I have to be a clever boy myself and make them laugh and call it the clam slam device.
The adorable Charlotte Brooke models my own offering of one of these babies. I even made it look like an old H.O.M. photo and you can see based on her expression and the split quality of her sweet muff that exhibit number one is a keeper.

This photo most likely comes from the mind and workshop of PD of insex and hardtied fame. His work speaks for itself and does not need me to try to give it wings. The man has had as much impact on bondage as John Blakemore. The pain on her face is real and I expect that it comes from her weight being placed soley on her sweet spot. There may be many different clam slams vut this one belongs totally to PD.

This little nameless bitch is cute in a 70’s kind of way, I love her youthful look and that almost defeated look in her eyes. The bush, well i’ll pass on that, I have had enough with bushes as of late, although I bet this one is more popular. Anyway
Her little cunny is getting a greeting via a 2×4 that probably smells like it came off of a tuna boat. The mouse traps on the tits are a real stroke of mental nimbus. I don’t know who was the dumb fuck who did this but clover clamps work great and they don’t block our view of her tits. Exhibit number 2 get a soso mark, but points for being ahead of its time by a few cunt hairs.

Ah those japs are some perverted bastsrds arn’t they, thats why I go there once a year. Well this picture would dispell the myth that their pussies go sideways, shit if they did the bamboo would be placed at a different angle. Hell nothing gets past the old sgtmajor. Our little asian bitch seems resigned to her fate and seems to know her place. Not enough dig into the clam for my needs and I do need to speak to this unseen asian rigger about stepping up the clam abuse. She looks to kept, ah yes but I must understand that under Japanese law they can’t show pink.
I assume the kanji on the side of thge picture says something like “ten dollars to fuckie and suckie.” Not!! a piece of ass in Japan will cost you your left nut. Exhibit number three gets weak marks from me.

Now I must say this has a great deal of promise. I feel that it only lacks that seedy edgy feel that Blakemore brings to his work. Otherwise its better then anything thus far. Take a look at how deep the 2X4 digs in on little Ms. Hot & Hanging. The helpless fuck kitten can’t seem to get her feet on the ground and that is critical to the centeral theme of clam slamming. I love to grab a chick’s hips and give them a good shove downward or back and forth when they are so totally trying not to move. This dude who ever he was get an A+ for his offering.

The retro perch, I like her looks, somewhat 70’s again I think, but that bush has to be there to soften the blow of the wood. I like what this guy tried to do, he was obviously a student of the Blakemore school of cunt busting. The teen don’t do it for me because I love to see the plump little pussies pushed hard into the wood, you can do that to sharp items less you shred the clam and I ma not about that, remember men this is clam slaming not clam shredding, you’ll have to go elsewhere for that level of jack off material. This exhibit get an OK mark for surviving the ages.

I think these guys are from Europe and I really do like them, the models are tight and the work is good. Again I feel that the mood could be greatly improved by that edgy feeling that comes from darkened wood and different lighting. All in all though a guy can easily cuff it to this stuff because it is quality through and through. Slavesinlove get a good mark from the sarge.

Well slap my testes, its Johnny Blakemore himself. In a timeless classic. Shit is so old they dident even have wooden ponies yet did they? Neh John was bored and wanted to rape some dumb bitch in the woods, duh, did you think he would bring his 2X4 along or even drag a wooden pony after the bitch when chacing her ass. Hell no, not our man, he just tore a branch off a tree and made one on the spot, dare I say Johnny on the spot. Now with this type the bark is as bad as the bite, quite literally indeed. Oh sure you can see the actual violation and the depth of the clam impact because the photography is poor but look at her face. It screams I am a dumb btch and some bastard just shoved have a tagelder in my snatch. Fucking brilliant use of what you have around you. I can’t give John a grade he is my hero and that would be just as bad as having impure thought about Sara Palin.

Finally the granddaddy of all slammed clams belongs again to John Blakemore and Little Ms. Suzanne Johnson. If ever there was a beaver that screamed hurt me it was hers. No doubt that she no longer looks like this anymore, but hell we can jack off to her memory as she once was, hell boys do it for every clamm that has ever needed to be slammed.
I know I have broken from my norn here, I mean really Suzanne has acunt busted condition caused by rope, and the other bitches they all got wood. Well it all comes down to wood anyway does it not?
So there you ahve it, please enjoy my offering of clam slamming through the ages, or at least the past three decades. Also boys it important to remember that a true bondage love will bust no cunt before its time. Happy slamming gents.